Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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