There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How does it feel to date your dad?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
