So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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