im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Who died my cat blue again?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
