I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
