Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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