so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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