drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
