I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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