I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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