I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
