party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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