While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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