He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize