beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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