I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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