pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
