Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
