btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
