i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
