I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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