I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
