I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
