Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
