Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
