she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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