I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
