I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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