Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize