my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Congratulations! We have a period
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