Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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