he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Your penis caused this!
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