Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
