$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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