And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
