I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
