so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
this hospital has no fireball
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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