so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
