I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
