I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
