Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dicks are not precious.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
