nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
