Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
