actually, I'm a sock model
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
