You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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