dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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