well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
