I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
