I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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