My friends, they love my intelligence
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
