New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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