My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
