Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
