Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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