you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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