life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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