we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
