whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Four minutes until I can fart!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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