Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
