the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
