i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
