I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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