Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize