I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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