Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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