Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
