My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
