Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
