My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
