I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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