He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
