Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
