Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They took my balls.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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